The Life We Live

PERSPECTIVE matters: perspective is defined as one’s attitude of looking at something.

For a while we feel sad for the people that are gone. Either they left or we intentionally cut them off our life. If we see the loss and focus on the loss — we will feel sad.   But then again if we think about it, if someone leaves someone new comes.

I took a look at my life, and realized the ones that are not there anymore were just weeds. The ones left are precious colorful flowers. Weeds need to go otherwise we can’t appreciate the flowers anymore.

I am thankful for the flowers I have, people who are trustworthy, dependable, loyal and most of all sincerely and truly are my friends.

If we see situations that way it won’t be too hard to let go and move on 🙂
Life will always give us situations to learn from. #thatsafact

Someone told me #don’t take things personally.

That is a total lie. How can you not be personal in relationships. Relationships are always personal. If not then that’s not a real relationship afterall.

Right?

As long as you are careful not to be intentionally hurtful, you don’t getwhat’s not really yours, you don’t intentionally hurt people with what you say, do and even write, God will honor you.  HE will protect you and bless you with meaningful relationship – always!

I’ve seen it happen to me countless times so I know this to be true for sure!

Have a blessed and restful Weekend!
#lifeisbeautiful ❤️

   
 

  

One day very recently I felt that everything in me was a mess. My car was broken, my work was giving me so much problems and there was this one person who was giving me so much heartache. I felt like all I liked in my life the past few months have been slowly taken away from me just because of stupid minute things.  Like I have lost my direction and I felt stomped.  I was very tired because I was very busy doing so much things and feeling unappreciated most of the time.

Guess what? It was just a feeling. A feeling I have nursed for a day!    All those things were just perceptions from a really frantic person who seemed to have lost faith.

I watched The Martian movie last night and I liked what he said in the end. He said – in my own words and not verbatim- , “ if you are there on space, a thought of dying and not being able to make it will come to your mind. You will feel that you are going to die. But then if you want to survive, you just need to survive. Just do the math and solve one problem at a time”.

I totally agree! After feeling hopeless and helpless and totally at the bottom because of people and circumstances, we rise and we come out of the rut, one step at a time. Exactly – one problem at a time.

The person left alone in Mars was left behind staying there for more than a year! He didn’t die! He didn’t get bored. He got busy instead solving his problems one at a time.

What happened to me? After being in the rut for a day?

I made some life changing realizations which I wouldn’t be able to have, had I not experience that moment of confusion.  I solved and dealt with one situation after another – doing a complete housecleaning.  I established my priorities and asked myself which among the things crowding my life are essential?  Other things (and people) I have to give up and let go.  I made big decisions that changed my life, but changed it for the better.   I gained new eyes and new perspective on things, realizing that nothing superficial is worth spending my time with. I saw the superficial people, superficial causes and activities that eat so much of my time — and superficial relationships  too that needed to go.

I needed to pick my battles and choose the things that matter in my life. I started emerging into being a new person, who do not like to be used and abused anymore. My new set of eyes gave me a realization that I spent so much wasted time being with people who weren’t even building me up.     I said yes to everyone and shared whatever I could share. I was too nice!   How could I be so generous that nothing was left of me?   I was too available, too giving — in exchange of nothing.   I ended up tired, betrayed and abused. (and copied! Ha,ha,! That is another story).

Right now, I feel so much better and so much happier with less! Less activities, less commitments, less worries, less friends, less expectations. It’s a more pruned life.  Simple yet focused. I feel so much lighter and happier!

The biggest lesson I have learned because of that experience is, NOTHING really lasts forever.

We cannot be a child forever, we cannot be a teenager forever, we cannot be still forever. WE have to grow, evolve, leave something behind and welcome new things and people.

So while we have these moments now, we need to enjoy, and savour every single thing. While preparing too that one day, we will leave this phase and start another phase again.

The Martian came home and outlived his problems.   He came out better, braver and wiser.

We can be that Martian too – and even so much better! J

There are ways on how people document experiences. When I was a young girl, I liked writing in my  journals. I had tons and tons of them but sadly, I was only able  to keep the one and only journal I was able to recover in my childhood home.

At this age where everything is digital, there is blogging, digital imaging (taking of digital photos) and social networking.  My journey as a Mom is kept on this blog which I am trying to update from time to time.

What do I want to document now at this exact moment?

Well my Nicky (Nicole) is already nine years old.   She has gone very tall and skinny!   She has never been prettier and calmer in demeanor. Sometimes, too calm for my comfort ha,ha! But that is another story!

She is now in grade 4 and is so much into a lot of things.  Right now, aside from her usual load in school, she is into sports as a member of the Ateneo Girls Volleyball Team.   She is also into music and arts.   AS grown up as all these may  sound, my baby as of this time, still likes to PLAY! And play she does when she gets the chance – whenever her hectic schedule permits her.  She has this American Girl Doll which I got for her from the States that she plays a lot with. She likes anything doll sized. Her doll has a room, a bed, and a complete wardrobe.   Last week, Nicole started learning how  to sew! She made pillows and pillow cases for her doll.   She is not quiet done with her Lalaloopsies yet, despite the presence of her AG Doll. She still sleeps with her Japanese Kimono Lalaloopsy together with her white teddy, brown teddy and her ugly stinky favourite teddy that she lugs around wherever she goes.

Every morning when her Dad takes her to school, she brings along her teddy and leave it in the car until she gets fetched again in the afternoon. Poor Daddy, he had to explain to a lot of people (mostly his workmates) why there is a tiny ugly teddy bear in his  car while he is at work.

Another thing about Nicky is, she has this dream right now of starting a pastry shop when she gets old enough to get close in an oven by herself. Her savings is growing! She has kept her cash gifts from family and friends and saves her allowance so that she can  save.  She intends to fund her baking training  this summer of 2016  and she also plans to fund her very first capital for the pastry shop she is going to start a couple of years from now.   We always talk about it and she takes tabs with every deposit she makes to her bank account.

I love how she is very knowledgeable about money. I think we did pretty well in educating her about saving and thinking about the future. She knows we have insurances for her and we are preparing for her funds for college and beyond.  Sometimes I ask her permission to get a portion of her savings to buy MUTUAL Funds so that some of her money will grow faster compared to just depositing them in a bank.

She accounts that too! Her Daddy makes her sign on  every deposit she makes and files them in one folder. She gets Php 100 Pesos a day allowance in school  and only spends half of it so that she can save the other half for the ‘future’.  It helps that she isn’t fond of eating (that is why she is skinny) so she doesn’t have to spend much in school.

Well, with all the good things I have mentioned about Nicole, she also has her ‘moments’.   Our challenge with her right now is waking her up in the morning and making her develop her sense of responsibility. Maybe it’s because she is the only one and she knows that we always have her back no matter what.

Still, we encourage her to be more independent and more responsible especially on her studies.

For example, we ask her if she can wake up on her own in the morning without being forced. My husband and I are always stressed  (well VERY STRESSED actually) about this part of the day. Secondly, Nicole Loooovves to sleep. Put her in an airconditioned room or car and turn on the radio and off to dreamland she goes. She can sleep in seconds! She probably got this from her Grandma on my side of the family ha,ha, o it is VERY HARD for her to wake up whenever we need to alight the car already.  It is so hard sometimes I want to pull  my hair thinking of ways to avoi this without risking our mother and daughter relationship!  In other words, our major problem with her right now mostly involves waking her up from her slumber whether in the morning or at anytime she is in the car on the way to somewhere.

Nicole adores her cousin Denise and she thinks she is the sister she doesn’t have. She also loves her cousin Marco. Her bestfriend is ikina. People think she is her ‘twin’ because they look almost the same.

At this point, we are trying to teach her what friendship is all about. We tell her that for her to have true friends, she has to be a true friend herself.   She still has a long way to go  and long way to learn about friendships, but part of my prayer for her as a Mom is for her to be blessed with friendships that will last a lifetime.

We teach her though that we cannot chase friends and all she can do is just be kind and love people without expecting anything in return.

Lastly, I am very proud of how she is right now. I have noticed that though she is still young, she is mature and sensitive about other people’s feelings. She very kind and thoughtful to others. Is not competitive and quiet secured as a child.

Everyday I pray that I be a good Mom. That God will help me raise her well. I only have one child and I take it seriously that I raise a good, God fearing child.

Motherhood is life’s greatest blessings, I am trying to do my best, NOT REALLY to be a PERFECT Mom, but  to be the best Mom I can be J

I drive my own car and I have a gasoline card  with substantial allowance provided for me.  This was given to me with the design to provide me convenience to load up gas anytime, anywhere.     Knowing all these facts, you will guess I will never run out of gas. Perhaps you will say, “lucky her” for having this provided for me.

However, as shameful as it is for me to admit, I always run out gas. Sadly I run out of gas when I am either in the middle of a traffic jam, or in a place where there is no gasoline station in sight.  More often than not, I end up paying for cash (which I cannot reimburse)  and gassing at very minimal amount just so I can reach the nearest gas station which accommodates my card.  It is very stressful whenever I am in that situation and in effect consumes most of my time and energy.

For those who do not know of this gas privileges of mine, they would think, I am either broke or in some sort of a financial problem for being out of gas  all the time.

The truth is, I am just plain lazy. I am too lazy to line up the car for gas, and too lazy to wait for the gasoline station to process my transaction.

Whenever I find myself seeing the “red sign” in the gas guage, I will always resolve that next time, I will  do better and will nolonger wait for the gas tank to get empty before I will gas up.   Those resolves have  never been followed, and up to this day, I still find myself going back to that situation over and over again. I never learned.

This morning I got a spiritual aha! moment, while driving home from my daughter school and looking at my gas meter and seeing the gas ‘half full’.  I told myself automatically in my head ‘ to gas up’ or else, I will have an empty tank again and I will have problems again just like the last time.

Right after I blurted that to myself, I heard another voice telling me to ‘gas up’ before it is too late.   Then I remember how I always put off my prayer time, and quiet times, and the opportunities to get right with the Lord because I get lazy and complacent.  I think that since I am not yet  experiencing problems as of this time,  I can still live on without the Lord, because I am ‘still doing okay’.   I often times have that resolve to really be serious with the Lord, yet always telling myself, ‘well I am still halfway full’ ” there is still time for me to gas up”.  Only to find out (as for others in the same situation) that their lives are already empty and are hopeless.

AS I reflected, my gasoline habit has extended to my spiritual life.  I have been negligent and lazy to  spend time with the Lord daily.   The Lord really wants us to get close to HIM and to achieve that, it means we have to spend time with the Lord daily.  I just told my daughter last night while studying that she should always pray at night to thank the Lord for all the blessings He has given her.  I also told her that more importantly in the morning, pray again for sustenance because “God’s grace is new every morning”.

Then it hit me, we should not bank on prayers from last week, prayers from the other day, even prayers from yesterday.  God’s grace is only for a day, and we need to claim that grace every single day, because ‘His Grace is new every morning”.

Here are the things I have learned because of this reflection of mine today.

1. People generally have everything that we need. We are supplied with grace, forgiveness, abundance, comfort through God’s grace. Yet we do not do something about it to claim it until our ‘gas tank gets empty’ and we cry to the Lord already out of desperation instead of thanksgiving.  We do not cling to GOd, we do not pray, not until we are already at our bottom pit.  We remember to go to God  ONLY when we are aready stuck in the middle of a bad situation, when we are already broken, when we are already in a mess. Sometimes, we even have to shell out some of ourselves (like how I pay cash instead of having my gas for free) as consequences of our actions.

2. If we only just follow the Lord, not get bad behavior and habits get into us (like laziness to gas using my card, at the appropriate time), we could have enjoyed a ‘full’  a ‘free; a ‘happy’ and an ‘abundant’ life only possible if we have the Lord Jesus in our life.

3. THe Lord design is for us to live a life full of conveniences and joy and most of the time, the bad habits natural to men, are what causes us to cause so much heartache and pain in our lives. A far cry from God’s original design for us.

So today, I will not wait for my life to get empty. I have resolved to go back to Him when life is still half full. When life is still rosy and not empty. I shall praise and get right with HIM because a full tanked life is all we need to aim for.

No more red empty signs from now on, I will try my best, by the grace of God, to  be always  full to the brim, to always be full tanked!  No more empty gas tanks, no more empty lives.

*reflection after the sermon of Ptr Jovy Soriano at CCF Cebu Marriot Service*

Having a child is like reliving my life all over again.   Being a Mommy makes me feel that way. Seeing my child grow, especially when she has started school makes me feel like being in school again and reliving all those memories both good and bad.   When I was a child, I never thought each experience will be so important when I grow up. Of course I heard my parents telling me before that I had to take school seriously as all the learning will be useful to me when I grow up.

Perhaps parenthood is what they meant. All the things I learned from childhood  may have an effect on how good I will be as a parent in present age.

My Nicky started school  a few days back. She is now in grade 4. She came home to me one afternoon and told me she was feeling bad because  one of  her 2 bestfriends found another group of friends to play with.   I felt bad for her because I know she was feeling unhappy.

I turned to my memory bank and tried to remember how it was for me in grade 4.  Well at that time, I had already formed my grade school barkada.  We were 4 all in all, and one of which was the prettiest and most popular girl in the whole batch. I remember having bazooka bubble gum and opening its comic strips.  We had choochoo train cheese curls as snacks and collecting scented stationaries was very popular among kids.   We used to ‘barter’ stationaries and made friends through that.  The more affluent ones would have nicer ones because they were bought from either Manila where there were nicer bookstores, or even abroad.

I tried to remember how it was for me as a child, but I do not remember much. All I can recall was the time I got so embarrassed because we were made to sing in front in our music class and I didn’t know a single modern song which I could sing from start to finish.  All I could recall was the lullaby that my Mom used to sing at random in the house and for me it was old fashioned, but I wasn’t left with any choice.

I cannot recall ever feeling bad because of a friend, because I always had the comfort of having a friend around to hang out.  Of course, friendship before was  totally different from friendship these days.  Our classmates in the past were merely someone we talk to and play with whenever we’re inside the campus.  I never heard of frequent playdates, nor lavish kiddie parties when we were young.

We only had family and close neighbors as playmates.   Hanging out was reserved for older kids in highschool.

It is so different these days when even young kids already have bffs (bestfriends for ever) and one really has to belong to a group.

So as I recall my childhood and the things I have learned since then, here are some of the lessons I shared to my daughter over the years.

1. Always be neat and tidy at all times. Having a good hygiene is very important.  Up to this day, I can still remember the horror of a friend when one says he smelled bad. I can still remember who were neat and who were unkempt in grade school. I myself was not the neatest in our batch. I had thick bangs and very basic clothing. My mother was not very fashionable and her focus was not on appearances but on grades.   I can still remember how I admired the socks of my classmates who had laces on them while mine were plain and sporty looking. Right now, I make sure my daughter has nice clothes and lots of pictures to remind her of her youth. Most of all, I always teach her as much as I can to be always NEAT at ALL TIMES. I have always told her that ” a neat girl is a pretty girl”.

2.Have high grades. From my memory people treat you differently if you are  part of the honors class. Smart ones are always treated better and with favor.   There is a sense of security  and confidence for having knowledge.

3.BUT GRADES are not all you have to focus on.  Although high grades is a basic must, one should also think about  a great personality and a humble character.  I have always emphasized with my daughter that it is important that she develops a godly attitude where she focuses on being kind, proper and compassionate to others.   WE told her about the different kinds of gifts that God has given everyone and never to look down on friends just because they aren’t excelling as much in school. I told Nicole that some people are blessed in sports, others are blessed with talents and abilities that she may not have.   There is no single person who has it all, that is why we all need  other people to help us with things we do not have.

4. BE KIND to BOYS. I wish someone taught me this when I was younger. I don’t remember ever hearing an advice from anyone in my family over boys. I grew up being discouraged about having ‘boyfriends’ and telling me ‘not to have uyab-uyab’ because ‘I might not finish school, or get a degree’.   It was an old school of thought that boys are taboo, and they are someone we girls should be staying away from. When it was my time to get ‘admirers’ I didn’t know how to react, or how to respond, so the natural way for me to do was to antagonize who ever that boy was. I never had a ‘healthy’  relationship with boys back in my time.  I had a ‘boyfriend’ but that too was not handled pretty well because no one sat down with me and informed me about what to do about it.  I wanted to project the ‘ prim and proper image’ and the ‘serious’ one because I thought it was the only way for boys to treat a girl seriously.

Now that I know better, here is what I advice my little girl.  “At all times, treat everyone with respect.”  I have taught my Nicky that she doesn’t have to like everybody, but even if she doesn’t like a person, she has to be kind and respectful all the time.

I taught her at an early age  that  one day, she will fall in love or someone will fall in love with her. I told her, the best kind of romantic love is the one from the Lord. While she is still young, she has to prepare herself to be the best person for this man in the future that the Lord is preparing for her.  Meanwhile, she has to make sure to always treat boys with respect. If someone has a crush on her (which happened to her so early – like gRADE 1), she has to say ‘thank you” and has to be kind to that boy — but protecting her heart by not really liking back haha.  I discouraged her from saying ‘yuck, ewww, and gross’ to describe someone  who will like her, instead, keep her thoughts about boys to herself, or share them with only trusted people within the family.,

To this day, I see a lot of little boys liking my Nicky. SHe is only in grade 4 but she has received flowers, letters, chocolates and gifts, but she is not corrupted. SHe is still the pure hearted girl, who is innocent and treats every boy a friend. I don’t see any malice with the way how she is around boys who like her.   I think, it is because we have conditioned her mind on how to respond on situations like this.

(I will write more on how to guide our kids when they fall in love, maybe on a separate blog).

 

5. DO NOT BE OVERLY SENSITIVE AS EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.   I have shared to my daughter why some people tend to be narcisstic or selfish or tend to have the ‘spotlight mentality’.  SHe has to always think that everything that happens has a reason and it’s not all about her all the time. This makes her to be a very understanding person that she is now at such a young age.

There are so many things that are coming  back to me now about my childhood, now that my daughter is growing up.    We have to be intentional to teaching our kids  and we need to look back on the lessons we had as a child so that our children will grow up better, happier and more purposeful that how we are now.

That is why , kids are usually better versions of their parents. 🙂

 

May 15, 2015

I am back! I have been absent from the blog sphere for two years.

That long ha?   Life got in the way as they say.

My Nicky is now nine! It is unbelievable!

She used to just coo and clap her hands and she would already  elicit so much laughter and praises while she did those simple things. Nicky was everybody’s favorite. She still is, but there are  three of them now in the family. My husband’s and mine combined.

So many things have happened in two years. Volleyball came in the picture and everything else took a back seat. My Nicky all of a sudden turned sporty! Who would have thought one of us will end up getting hooked up in sports.   Sports was never part of the plan when she was a baby.  I had her whole life envisioned for her, and that did not include sports at all.

My goals for her when she started school were  (1) she would get into honors (2) be a Math whiz (3) influence her to be a reading geek! like me! and of course, turn out to be a good person who knows how to get along with anyone.

Turned out, God has other plans!  Right now, our entire schedule has turned upside down.  She has to work everything out in favor of her daily practice for the sport she already loves.   She is getting better everyday and very soon, she will already be part of the main team when her age and skills will already allow her to be.

If it were up to me, I would rather that she focuses on her lessons and get the highest point average she can get. I would like her to be one of the top students  of her batch, and get advance skills on anything related to school.

But then the past two years taught me that as a mother, I cannot ask my daughter to live my dreams for her.  I only have one life to live, and it is my life! Definitely not my daughter’s.  Slowly, as she is starting to get older, I have accepted the fact that I have to allow her to make decisions for herself.  Let her have her own dreams and allow her to strategize how to make those dreams a reality.

Our children are just ours  on borrowed time.  Soon when they grow up, they will be on their own, living a life without us!  Our role as parents  is to raise them, educate them, and teach them life skills. If they succeed in anything be it sports, academics or whatever God will bless them with, our role is to help them and support them and guide them as they thread on this big ocean called life!

As I was threading on this stage of motherhood, I have also started getting into new interests.  While I was the tutoring – grade obsessed Mom in the past, who used to google fun ways to do arts and crafts with kids at home — and wanting to be  the best crafting Mom on earth, I suddenly discovered the beauty of  self indulgence.

What a great way to become a better Mom. I wish I have known better.  I have discovered little things that can make me happy outside the confines of motherhood. I acquired new hobbies (outside crafting haha!) and got myself into fitness routines which morphed me from a caterpillar to a butterfly ha,ha, (what an analogy!).

Meeting new people who helped me think differently was a big factor of this growth.  It is nice to have friends who think differently than I do. I see new perspectives and a whole new world to live.

I do not mean to say that everything I used to believe was wrong. Of course not! In fact the more I  try new things, the more I also appreciate the things I used to do.  Variety is just what makes it different.  There are more choices now an a bigger world to live in.

So here I am back to writing.  Seeing the world in a whole new set of eyes.

Come waste your time again with me.   Happy reading!  Till my next post.

This is our gift for Nicole on her birthday.

Oh Darling Don’t You Ever Grow Up (Video)

May 18, 2015

We threw a party for Nicole for her 9th birthday five days before her actual birthday.  It was an advanced celebration because her best friend sweetly requested that we move the party right before she would leave for New York. Because the birthday girl supported the idea, I said yes to this request.  Who would want to celebrate a party without a  bff on the side?  Being an only child, Nicole has friends and only two cousins as close associates.  It made a difference that Nicole’s best friend was there at her celebration.   The party was  a simple get together of Nicole’s closest friends.  It was fun and happy. My husband said, he saw  how happy our daughter was to be with the  people she loves.

One Happy Girl

With her bff

With Ikina and Summer her BFFS

Nicky with her close friends

 Her birthday Cake

On her actual birthday, we still wanted her to ‘feel’ special that her Dad got her a teddy bear bunch and a long letter very early in the morning.  I on the other hand have scheduled several work meetings for the day so she was mostly on her own the whole day while we promised to celebrate her birthday the way she would like it at dinner.

Midway, I felt the urge to make her happier so I thought about surprising her with a grand gift. I asked her if I could fetch her so that we could  go somewhere to buy her a surprise.  I remember that she has been asking me for a polaroid camera for a while now.  I was meaning to get her that and surprise her.

When I texted her this, she said “No Need Mommy” and I said “but why? I thought you like a camera?  I want you to be happy, happier, happiest today because it is your birthday”.

I was blown away with her reply because she said “BUT I AM ALREADY HAPPY”.

I showed this message to a few friends and they all said the same thing, My Nicky is really a contented girl.   Sometimes, we parents, in our wish to give the best to our children, we shower them with all the gifts our money can afford.  We want to give them something in abundance because we ‘feel’ this will make them happy.   In theory I have known this. That is the reason why I have trained Nicole to live simply and be thankful to God for all that we have.  But there are days that I forget about this especially when I want to shower my daughter with so much love.

I thank the Lord for showing me that I have raised my daughter well.  What makes her happiest are not really the gifts that she receives but the time we spend with her and the time her loved ones spend with her.

So we asked her what her birthday wish was and she said, she just wanted to be able to play with her cousin, eat pizza and have ice cream.  She didn’t want to go out for dinner nor do anything fancy.

She just wanted to be with us and play.   What a blessing Nicole is to us. 🙂

with her cousin celebrating with Pizza and Ice Cream on her birthday