The Life We Live

How long have I not written here? It’s a new year and so much has happened in my life. For one, I have just turned 47! The last I have written here was all about turning forty. How long ago it has been. I read it again now and realized I do not feel the same about my age. I actually feel younger now than I ever was in the my life. Age is now just a number as people I know are starting to age and grow old ‘gracefully’ which changed my perspective of it.

My husband and I, from being hands on parents that we were, have suddenly become empty nesters as our child, who turned 18 last year, left for college abroad. Our calendar as a couple has suddenly changed from the 2 seasons we followed in our country to the four seasons my daughter has suddenly been into.

Life has been great so far! It’s a new chapter. While we devoted our lives to our child as she was growing up, we found ourselves wondering and searching for new passions to while our time as now, we have found ourselves with more time and less responsibilities as before, except of course with the financial side which has ballooned now that we are supporting an international student in an international school.

The beauty of it all is, as responsible parents, we prepared for it well so money is not much of a burden thank God!

As I am writing this, we just came from a holiday and my daughter is back home with us for the winter break.

So much to write and update you with in the next few entries. Come and share your life with me as I share you mine.

People who know me would know that one of my biggest weaknesses as a person is worrying. I worry about anything under the sun. I worry about my life, my health, my future illnesses the cause of my death etc. I worry about Nicole if she is happy, if she is okay, if no one is bullying her in school, if she is being treated right etc. i even worry about her future mother in law! I also worry about my husband and his health,his spiritual life, his temptations, his work, his ability to provide for our needs etc etc.

Worrying is a bad thing because it takes away God’s power in our life and I am really slowly taking away this bad habit of mine by praying more and trusting God more. I have to remember too that based on experience more than 90% of the things I worry do not happen.

But this post is not about worrying.

This is about something juicy like show business(as in!) so I hope you read on till the end.

In the past as I said I was big on worrying. I loved to worry about how Rene is faring as a dad and I worried if he would go to heaven if he died. I kept on forcing him to go to church, pray more, attend D Groups (which until now he refuses to do). Although my husband is now a man of the Lord ( in fact he is even more prayerful and steady in his faith than I am at times), he still has to overcome his dislike to a small group christian fellowship. Because he is like this, I worry that he won’t have anyone to model for him how it is to be a christian Father and husband. I threw a lot of people I like him to befriends with for this purpose but the more I forced him the more he didn’t do what I wanted him to do. 

So I finally I decided to stop being “his holy spirit”. I stopped forcing him to listen to parenting videos in youtube and stopped shoving to his face parenting books and articles which I have been obsessively gathering for his information. I stopped and just prayed that one day God will send someone to lead him in this area.

Guess what? (Here comes the juicy part so hang on…) 

To those who also know my husband, you would know how much of a workaholic he is. He is just plainly obsessed with work and business. He isn’t negligent at all with his family, but you’d know that everything about being productive, earning money, strategizing about business would INSPIRE him. He treats his work as a hobby on his spare time. (Remember how I shared to you before how he likes MICROSOFT EXCEL).

Anyway, some weeks ago my husband has been in contact with this man who was a CEO of a big company. They were on the phone almost everyday because we were going to have a collaboration with his company. I didnt pay much attention to it until the time my husband went to Manila to meet him face to face and ink our long term partnership with his company.  Guess who the guy turned out to be?

The guy unknowing to us is a Dad of a famous showbiz personality (christian Dad, christian businessman, upright and very intelligent but jolly man).

The good thing about it is, Rene liked the man already before he even knew who he was.  Because he already had a good impression on him as a businessman, it was not hard for Rene to listen to his stories.
So it turned out that this CEO friend of my husband is the Dad of the girl who just recently had a major breakup with someone very famous in showbiz.  Coincidentally,  the daughter has the same name as my daughter.   She was controversial because a couple of years ago, it was a big news that her long term famous boyfriend broke up with her because she refused to give him what he wanted and stuck to her guts of being pure and save herself before marriage.

During that time that news broke out, people were skeptical about her.  She also lost face when her then ex-bf immediately replaced her with a bombshell girl who was  total opposite of her.

We may have imagined her crying and sulking and feeling really low.  Of course at some point she was sad over the heartbreak and the Dad said everyone in the family grieved for her.

The Dad who’s my husband’s friend already spent two nights over dinner with my husband — sharing to him how happy he was that his daughter and that showbiz man did not end up together.  It turned out that  since the daughter was a little girl, the Dad has been praying for his child.  The Mom too and all they did while their 2 kids were growing up was pray and pray for their children’s future. He said the break up was an answered prayer but the heartbreak was not.

Finally at present the daughter is already married and expecting her first child.  She married a guy who comes from a very good family.  The boy is a christian, a very respectful one and even more handsome and wealthy than the ex boyfriend.  The most important part is, the boy has the values that they both wished their daughter would marry. 

According to my husband he learned these things after meeting his new CEO friend.

1.  It is important that parents are strong in the Lord to bring the children in the way they should go.

2. It is important for Fathers to have a close relationship with their daughters.

3. Praying for the kids even while they are still very young holds a big impact when they grow old.

I am very happy that God has finally sent someone who will inspire and model to my husband about the areas I have been praying about. 

Amazing too that this person is someone who will be working closely with my husband in the next few years because of our business collaboration.

It is amazing how God works!  It is more amazing how well HE ORCHESTRATES things to work our for the best! 
Are you worried about something today?just pray, let go and let God.

As I am writing this, my  bubbly niece Dee-Dee is in the house.  She is here to spend a good two days with my daughter Nicole  because school is out and  the timing is just perfect for a good  quality cousin bonding.

Over lunch, I noticed her to be so curt in answering my questions. Denise is a spunky beautiful and smart kid, but  without her intending to sound disrespectful, she sometimes says things rather too directly, unacceptable  by norms for kids her age.  I sometimes also notice my Nicky to be like that.  Whenever I would ask questions, she  would just easily dismiss me by saying “YES” or “NO”.   Sometimes when I call her, she would tell me “Wait!” as if I was annoying her.  I must admit, I didn’t take much notice of it, until  this incident has been repeated  several times.  Sometimes I would call her attention and she would correct herself, only to repeat it again  in the next instance.

So today, it happened with Denise. We were having lunch and I asked her if she wanted some dessert. She said “No” and did not even bother to look at me in the eyes while talking.

Shortly after, while we were lazing around in  my daughter’s room, I decided to talk to them and discuss my observation. I also included Nicole in the conversation because it has also been observed that she is guilty of being impolite when talking to elders.
So I told them about the value of being respectful, not through action, but more importantly through their words.  I told them, they may be the world’s most respectful children but when they do not speak with respect, even if in their hearts they think they are, they still offend and come out disrespectful to the world.

Here are some of the suggestions for them to show improvement in this area:

1. They have to use please, thank you, welcome.  Always remember using the ‘magic words’ when talking to other people.
2. They always have to look at the person they are talking to in the eyes.
3. They have to always mention the person’s name at the end when answering questions.  For example, if I ask them questions, they have to say ‘ Yes tita” rather than simply saying ‘YES”.
4. When visiting other people’s homes, they have to remember to greet the host and introduce themselves while never forgetting to say goodbye and thank you when they leave.
5. They need to ask permission when using things that aren’t theirs.

Children (or even some  adults) are work in progress. We cannot  expect children to already know things on their own.  As parents  we have to be the one to constantly remind them and guide them.

Personally it has been my mission in life to raise my daughter as uprightly as possible. However no matter how much I try, there will be instances like this when she fails.  As a Mom, I will always be there for her to correct her, counsel her and guide her. My daughter needs my constant and patient reminders and love just as your children also need yours.

Be a Happy Mom always 🙂

 

 

 

 

 

 

In One Year I am turning Forty.  I am already getting old. This fact scares me because getting old for me means, getting weak, winkled and sick.  i have been thinking about it a lot the past few we…

Source: Fab 40 Plan

 

Take The Plunge

 

When we say take the plunge, it usually refers to one getting married.

It talks about going into something whose outcome you cannot predict.

It’s like diving into the murky water and you do not even know  what is beyond it.

All you have — is faith!  Faith that something good will come out of it, even if you cannot see it.

 

Well, a few months ago, I took a plunge!   I decided out of the blue that I wanted to quit my job and start a new exciting life outside the comforts of a career or a stable, monthly income.

This is very uncharacteristic of me. I am known to be this cautious, calculating person who is scared of the unknown.  I am the type who doesn’t really aim for the moon and the stars, but prefers the stability and security of a salary.

 

Yes! For almost two decades, I have worked for an employer.   I never paid my gasoline, my internet and mobile phone bills, and have never bought a single computer for my use. All of these I get for FREE. I was provided a car, a computer, a gasoline and expense card, and a staff to help me do my job.

 

What happened to me?! Why did I decide to stop working all of a sudden?

Perhaps it’s the realization that I am getting old. In less than 2 years, I am going to be forty!

I took a look at my life the past 15 years and I couldn’t really say, it was everything I wanted my life to be.

 

I didn’t have a bad life!  I had a life others might wish to have.   However, there is something inside me that is saying, I still can do more and still be more  outside of the comforts of what I call now as ‘work’.

 

So in between that one and the days I have left from being an EMPLOYEE, I am taking stock of what I have.  I have so many things in mind that I want to do.     I want to expand our business and develop it into three to five folds that what it is now.  I want to start a new company together with some of my business colleagues.   I want to lose weight and finally have the time to go to the gym anytime I want without really feeling guilty over being away from the office.    I want to study, learn new things, earn and save lots of money to be able to travel the world with my family.   I want to provide jobs to  more people!   I want to build a foundation to give scholarships to the less fortunate in the next five years!      I am excited to be finally FREE to do what I want!

 

I am doing this for myself. I don’t want to grow old regretting that I wasn’t brave enough to get out of my shell and try if there is more to life that being a corporate middle manager.

 

My parents have been taking turns calling me and trying to talk to me out of my plans.  They say I have a great  job with a relatively nice income. They say, I might regret this decision in the future and I will only get to appreciate what I have when I lose them all.

 

I told them, they don’t have anything to worry about.  I know I am making one of the most exciting decisions in my life.  It is like deciding to get married with the man of my dreams.

 

I do not know where tomorrow will take me, but I would like to look back on this time of my life one day and say, THank God I was brave to take the plunge!

 

As you must have known in my previous blog entries,  My husband and  I have made my daughter Nicole stop doing volleyball. This was a major and well thought of decision for the whole family as we had to weigh down the pros and cons that might be affecting my daughter’s well being.

Nicole is  not only our only daughter, she is also our only child.  Parents like us can probably imagine our worries and fears  especially when we only have one shot at parenting and we believe we have to do this right.

Before we arrived at this decision, we asked our daughter about our plans to make her stop. She was not agreeable to this at first, but we noticed eventually, she saw  our perspective and eventually surprised us one day, when she told us, she wanted to give up volleyball  to get serious with her studies.

It was a very uncertain time for us right after she quit.   You see, our lives have been so attached to the routines of having a student athlete that it almost felt awkward not  to be doing it anymore.  AS what my closest friends told me, it wasn’t just Nicole who as adjusting, but us too as parents.

Everyday, we would be picking up Nicole late as she was training right after  her classes.   Her closest friends were her teammates so naturally, our closest friends in school too, were the parents of the  kids in volleyball. Weekends were  filled up with so many activities that involved  the team.   If there weree no usual trainings, we would get together and did  something outside of volleyball.   Most of the Moms were close to me, and we would all the time get updated on the going-on  of each other’s life.

Simply said, volleyball was not just a sport, but our life and our family.

I was worried that Nicole will be left without a friend.  I was worried she would become an  outcast.  I was worried she was going to be a nobody because she would lose her identity as a varsity  player.  I was worried that we may regret it in the future as  having a student athlete seemed like a cool idea.

However all my worries and fears didn’t happen.  In fact, I realized now, quitting volleyball was one of the bravest and wisest thing we have ever decided on as a family.

Today I have never seen Nicole so well rested and so happy as a child.   SHe used to be always in a hurry and always pressured with time.   Learning has taken a back seat because everything about school has been all bout compliance.  Today, I noticed that Nicole’s love for learning has come back. She is now fully interested on what is being taught in school and doesn’t jsut go about it to comply to the requirements. I now see her reading her books lazily and finding the time to relax and laugh and listen to good music.   Nicole eventually developed new friendships  with peopele  who may not be sporty, yet are also nice and well mannered kids.   The best thing is, she has kept her friendships with her volleyball teammates which makes it so much better since she has enlarged her circle and got to be with different kinds of people in schoo.

You see, I realized that there is life after volleyball.   When we as parents do not lose sight of what is important as a family and as parents, we will not have a hard time to make decisions.

Volleyball is just there whenever Nicky changes her mind and would want to go back.  But  am just happy that she gets to be a child again, playing with her toys, meeting new friends, having the luxury of time to do what she likes to do.

She lost all that for three years when she got so involved in sports.

As parents, we now appreciate the time we have to bond as a family.  We get to communicate more, talk more and influence our daughter better.  WE nolonger live a life as harried as before.

 

Whatever happens in the future, I cannot tell.  I am just glad it all turned out for the best.

 

 

 

 

How do you react to people offending you?  Our instinct is self preservation  so normally we either flee or fight.  Meaning, we usually try to avoid someone who causes us pain, or we fight back.    As I have reflected just very recently when someone tried to offend me, I realized that we need not follow the “eye for an eye a tooth for a tooth” route to self preservation. There is a better way, which is more positive and peace loving.

No, I am not trying to preach here.  Nor will I try to suggest something spiritual. (although those are good suggestions too).

What I have discovered recently is, if we try to feel ill and  bitter towards people who offend us, it doesn’t make us win the fight.  We end up being losers because feeling negative or doing something negative will never make us feel better with ourselves.   Instead it will drive us to feel   more hate, and to have inner turmoil that doesn’t seem to leave.

A good suggestion is UNDERSTANDING.

What is understanding?

“Understanding someone means to have the ability to empathize with that person – being able to think in the lines of the what the other person is thinking, being able to reason out what transpired in someones mind before doing what he/she has done.”

When we understand someone, we feel the intentions of that person and would give us a clearer perspective of where that person is coming from.

Has this person said something negative about you? Perhaps this person has not really come to know you better.  Has this person tried to  exclude you, then maybe she chose to be with someone she felt more  comfortable to be around.  Has this person gossiped about you? Then maybe she is feeling inner turmoil herself  that she needs to sort them out by discussing them with others.

Most of the time, it is not really about you.   Other person my do something just because of who they are, and not because of anything that we might have caused.

What I do if I start to feel offended is ask myself, does this person or this situation really have an impact in the next 5 years of my life?   If I lose this person  will I become less version of myself?

I usually get a NO for an answer and then when I come to terms with these facts, I feel so much better.

Most of the time, it is how we react to the things that happen to us that  impacts  our life.  We need to be POSITIVE in our approach as much as possible.

It has helped me, I hope it will help you too.

 

BE HAPPY!

 

 

 

 

 

Last Saturday while I was folding the laundry, I was feeling sad and melancholic when i saw stacks of Ateneo Volleyball uniforms of my daughter Nicole.   You see a few days before that, my husband and I decided to pull out my daughter from the Varsity Team.

It was a sudden but a well thought of decision which has been at the back of our minds for a long time now.    You see, Nicole is an only child.  We are very much hands on in terms of raising her, so we know what is going with her day by day.

In as much as we want her to be in a sports team, we also value good grades and  excellent family relations.  Things we felt have been  slowly taken away from us because of her pre occupation with the sport.

TIME.  Everyday, Nicole trains almost 3 hours after school and ends almost 7 pm every single day.  After an hour of ride going to the house, eating dinner and doing her homework, she is mostly left spent and tired and too exhausted to even think about anything else.

HEr health and grades are suffering.

This decision makes me sad though.  We have been used to this grind for 3 years now and we have formed friendships.  However, we have to make an important decision as parents.

 

In my heart though, I said a silent prayer to God. I asked God that if, and when it is really HIS will to make Nicole a great volleyball player in the future, God will allow things to happen that are favorable to us and would give u a reason to take Nicole back to volleyball.

 

Sending my prayer with faith that one day, things will fall on the right places.

 

 

 

 

 

My score:  29/40.

1. There is innate disinterest when it comes to the meager, silly details about your life.

2. There is a lack of desire to make things better between you two.

3. Petty fights are picked without concern for what they’ll do to your relationship as a whole.

4. They buy you things that you don’t like but they do.

5. They try to change you into someone they want you to be.

6. They talk about the future more than they do the present.

7. They don’t call you regularly, or keep in touch at all.

8. Their parents don’t know about you.

9. They actually say they aren’t so sure.

10. Your interests may overlap, but your future goals clearly don’t.

 11. And there seems to be no interest in compromising on those future goals.

12. You hear them say “well, I still want to see what’s out there” a lot.

13. And then they act on that.

14. They very clearly don’t trust you.

15. You can’t talk to them about things that are important to you.

16. You can’t talk to them about issues in the relationship without it turning into a huge fight.

17. You don’t put a lot of effort into making your lives coincide.

18. They don’t remember the little details (your birthday, favorite color, etc.)

19. They insult you in public, even if it seems like a joke.

20. Or they put you down, ever.

21. They fight dirty.

22. They imply that you need to lose weight or change your appearance somehow.

23. Sex is a one-way street, if you know what I mean.

24. They aren’t willing to reciprocate what you do for them.

25. They keep your relationship a secret.

26. They want to go out without you more than they want to be with you.

27. They are easily annoyed by you.

28. They don’t care to apologize when they were in the wrong.

29. Because they think you were always the one in the wrong.

30. If you ask them why they love you, they give you reasons that are anything other than “I just do.”

31. They don’t give you little signs of physical affection now and again.

32. They act like your pal more than your lover (not always a bad thing as long as the latter isn’t obsolete).

33. Conversations take work.

34. You can see in their eyes that they aren’t innately crazy about you.

35. They aren’t faithful.

36. They are more interested in the possibilities than the realities.

37. They are disrespectful toward your family or friends.

38. They make fun of things that are very important to you.

39. They make fun of you, and not in the playful flirtatious way.

40. They don’t commit.

Today is one of those days that everything looks dark and bleak.  I don’t remember ever feeling like this for a long time, but I have experienced this.  Eons and Eons ago.

It is the feeling like all energy in my body has been sucked until it is empty.

Where do I go?

I have nowhere except bringing the matter to The Lord.  We have no one but Him.  I have no one but HIM.

Today  I feel my spirits has been trampled and that I am of zero value.

Today I will feel this and maybe later on, learn from this and move on!

 

As they say ” when life is hard, shake it off and move forward”