Having a child is like reliving my life all over again. Being a Mommy makes me feel that way. Seeing my child grow, especially when she has started school makes me feel like being in school again and reliving all those memories both good and bad. When I was a child, I never thought each experience will be so important when I grow up. Of course I heard my parents telling me before that I had to take school seriously as all the learning will be useful to me when I grow up.
Perhaps parenthood is what they meant. All the things I learned from childhood may have an effect on how good I will be as a parent in present age.
My Nicky started school a few days back. She is now in grade 4. She came home to me one afternoon and told me she was feeling bad because one of her 2 bestfriends found another group of friends to play with. I felt bad for her because I know she was feeling unhappy.
I turned to my memory bank and tried to remember how it was for me in grade 4. Well at that time, I had already formed my grade school barkada. We were 4 all in all, and one of which was the prettiest and most popular girl in the whole batch. I remember having bazooka bubble gum and opening its comic strips. We had choochoo train cheese curls as snacks and collecting scented stationaries was very popular among kids. We used to ‘barter’ stationaries and made friends through that. The more affluent ones would have nicer ones because they were bought from either Manila where there were nicer bookstores, or even abroad.
I tried to remember how it was for me as a child, but I do not remember much. All I can recall was the time I got so embarrassed because we were made to sing in front in our music class and I didn’t know a single modern song which I could sing from start to finish. All I could recall was the lullaby that my Mom used to sing at random in the house and for me it was old fashioned, but I wasn’t left with any choice.
I cannot recall ever feeling bad because of a friend, because I always had the comfort of having a friend around to hang out. Of course, friendship before was totally different from friendship these days. Our classmates in the past were merely someone we talk to and play with whenever we’re inside the campus. I never heard of frequent playdates, nor lavish kiddie parties when we were young.
We only had family and close neighbors as playmates. Hanging out was reserved for older kids in highschool.
It is so different these days when even young kids already have bffs (bestfriends for ever) and one really has to belong to a group.
So as I recall my childhood and the things I have learned since then, here are some of the lessons I shared to my daughter over the years.
1. Always be neat and tidy at all times. Having a good hygiene is very important. Up to this day, I can still remember the horror of a friend when one says he smelled bad. I can still remember who were neat and who were unkempt in grade school. I myself was not the neatest in our batch. I had thick bangs and very basic clothing. My mother was not very fashionable and her focus was not on appearances but on grades. I can still remember how I admired the socks of my classmates who had laces on them while mine were plain and sporty looking. Right now, I make sure my daughter has nice clothes and lots of pictures to remind her of her youth. Most of all, I always teach her as much as I can to be always NEAT at ALL TIMES. I have always told her that ” a neat girl is a pretty girl”.
2.Have high grades. From my memory people treat you differently if you are part of the honors class. Smart ones are always treated better and with favor. There is a sense of security and confidence for having knowledge.
3.BUT GRADES are not all you have to focus on. Although high grades is a basic must, one should also think about a great personality and a humble character. I have always emphasized with my daughter that it is important that she develops a godly attitude where she focuses on being kind, proper and compassionate to others. WE told her about the different kinds of gifts that God has given everyone and never to look down on friends just because they aren’t excelling as much in school. I told Nicole that some people are blessed in sports, others are blessed with talents and abilities that she may not have. There is no single person who has it all, that is why we all need other people to help us with things we do not have.
4. BE KIND to BOYS. I wish someone taught me this when I was younger. I don’t remember ever hearing an advice from anyone in my family over boys. I grew up being discouraged about having ‘boyfriends’ and telling me ‘not to have uyab-uyab’ because ‘I might not finish school, or get a degree’. It was an old school of thought that boys are taboo, and they are someone we girls should be staying away from. When it was my time to get ‘admirers’ I didn’t know how to react, or how to respond, so the natural way for me to do was to antagonize who ever that boy was. I never had a ‘healthy’ relationship with boys back in my time. I had a ‘boyfriend’ but that too was not handled pretty well because no one sat down with me and informed me about what to do about it. I wanted to project the ‘ prim and proper image’ and the ‘serious’ one because I thought it was the only way for boys to treat a girl seriously.
Now that I know better, here is what I advice my little girl. “At all times, treat everyone with respect.” I have taught my Nicky that she doesn’t have to like everybody, but even if she doesn’t like a person, she has to be kind and respectful all the time.
I taught her at an early age that one day, she will fall in love or someone will fall in love with her. I told her, the best kind of romantic love is the one from the Lord. While she is still young, she has to prepare herself to be the best person for this man in the future that the Lord is preparing for her. Meanwhile, she has to make sure to always treat boys with respect. If someone has a crush on her (which happened to her so early – like gRADE 1), she has to say ‘thank you” and has to be kind to that boy — but protecting her heart by not really liking back haha. I discouraged her from saying ‘yuck, ewww, and gross’ to describe someone who will like her, instead, keep her thoughts about boys to herself, or share them with only trusted people within the family.,
To this day, I see a lot of little boys liking my Nicky. SHe is only in grade 4 but she has received flowers, letters, chocolates and gifts, but she is not corrupted. SHe is still the pure hearted girl, who is innocent and treats every boy a friend. I don’t see any malice with the way how she is around boys who like her. I think, it is because we have conditioned her mind on how to respond on situations like this.
(I will write more on how to guide our kids when they fall in love, maybe on a separate blog).
5. DO NOT BE OVERLY SENSITIVE AS EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I have shared to my daughter why some people tend to be narcisstic or selfish or tend to have the ‘spotlight mentality’. SHe has to always think that everything that happens has a reason and it’s not all about her all the time. This makes her to be a very understanding person that she is now at such a young age.
There are so many things that are coming back to me now about my childhood, now that my daughter is growing up. We have to be intentional to teaching our kids and we need to look back on the lessons we had as a child so that our children will grow up better, happier and more purposeful that how we are now.
That is why , kids are usually better versions of their parents. 🙂
The Life We Live 