I know a family which I have perceived to be perfect for a long time now. I like everyone in the family. The kids are all good looking! The couple are equally good looking! They live in a house with a white fence! They drive the best of cars and most of all, they all look so happy together every time I see them. I think the best thing about them, is not their wealth but the quality of life they have as individuals and as a family. Sometimes I wonder, what they are doing to have achieved so much calm and happiness in their family life. They always look so composed, so in control, so perfect in my eyes. I have not, not even once though, felt envious of them because they are too nice and too perfect to envy! You know? No mean bone at all. The kind of people who cannot seem to break a glass? I can just be happy for them and have made them as my benchmark of a successful life. Whenever I strive for a better me! I always see them as my models.
Recently though, I have discovered a sad thing about it all. The husband is not so perfect after all! Somebody so close to me has intimated that the guy had an affair with another woman. For a long moment I was speechless and I was so stunned to say anything. I couldn’t believe what I just heard! It felt like a glass has been shattered right in front of me. I didn’t know how I felt right at that exact moment. I went through the stages of (1) denial (2) anger (3) and then finally acceptance. THe friend told me all the details, so I have accepted that it is indeed true.
For the past few days these information has been hanging in my thoughts and I have pondered why have I been so affected by these all? I do not talk to the people involved on a regular basis. Although we are somewhat close, but we are NOT That close to be talking in that level of intimacy. (you know the kind of friends you can just tell anything – no holds barred). SO why am I very bothered by it all?
Upon a closer look at myself and my heart, I think the reason why I am very bothered is because I was disillusioned. I felt guilty because I have somewhat used them as a pattern on how I would want my life and my marriage to be.
I felt bad that I would always tell my husband in the past on how wonderful and how nice this guy is, and how he is treating his wife really well. I said all these without even knowing the couple up close. Like they were just an illusion made up in my head.
And now, upon knowing this, my Barbie and Ken have been destroyed. I somewhat felt betrayed.
Whose fault is this really? Not the guy nor the girl. THey didnt do anything for me to idolize them. I idolized them because I just wanted everything to come easy. I also realized that I have been very superficial on how I view things and people in my life.
I know these things are very fragile and information like this should be handled with care. To confess, I only consulted one very wise friend of mine, and we discussed about this. I just wanted to share how I felt and didnt really intend to pass on another information to another soul for the sake of gossip or discrediting the family involved. I just wanted to clear my head and needed someone to process my thoughts with so that I can move on.
So here was what this friend told me. (Did I tell you how blessed I am to have chosen the right person to talk to about this?). This is not verbatim so I am going to use my own words here. (of course this friends words are better and more precise he,he,)
1. There is no such thing as a perfect life, perfect person, perfect family.
2. All of us have our own share of imperfections and “sins”
3. Our views about people should not be anchored on how we see them (superficial) so meaning, we shouldnt be friends with people just because they are perfect! but because we love them anyway with all their bad and good things combined.
4. It is somewhat wrong to say that I do not like this family anymore, because of what I have discovered because, if they are really my friends, I should love them unconditionally to include all their bad and good traits and stories combined. That is what real friendship is about.
5. That I shouldnt be easy on judging people. Not even this man who is discredited by information being circulated about him. He has his own story to tell to, and unless I have seen the proof in my very own eyes, there is no reason for me to get involved and hurt people unnecessarily. No matter how close I am to them.
Lastly, how does this experience made an impact to me as a person?
1. First I realized that I should be perfectly happy about the things, and most especially the people in my life. I have this tendency to be very very idealistic and I have certain expectations about people, that if not met, can cause me to dislike and unfriend someone in my life.
2. I should love my friends and family unconditionally. I should love them when they triumph and will love them when they fall. Accept them for who they are and be there for them when they stumble.
3. My treatment towards a person should not be anchored to his good traits alone, but should have an allowance for imperfections. Should someone sin/stumble, I should not be the one open and easy to judge right away.
4. This experience has taught me how I should love, not only my husband but also my friends and family. That unconditional love doesnt only apply to spouses but also to other people in my life.
People are not perfect. Nobody has a perfect life. I am also not perfect so I should be a little bit of understanding to others imperfection too!
The Life We Live 